


Fairytales and Kissing Frogs

by Brynstein



Series: Finally, a Family They Deserve [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26514190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brynstein/pseuds/Brynstein
Summary: Mulder and Scully have a handful of a toddler, who is about to turn four, and for her birthday wants a pet frog. Mulder quickly learns that telling their child kissing frogs really do turn them into princes can have serious consequences.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Finally, a Family They Deserve [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927813
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a chapter from another work of mine, Fluff Smut and other Stuff, originally named after the prompt A Pink Tutu. Since I had a request to do more of this kind of thing, I decided to post it again as the establishing story for a series. (Also rated T, mostly because Mulder can't help it when it comes to innuendos)

The little tyke was turning four now and had a birthday wishlist twice as long as she was tall. At the very top of said list was a fancy dress party, which Lily had thoughtfully picked out all the costumes for. 

Mulder sat on the couch, rubbing his brow: the late evening and lack of sleep getting to him. "Did you tell her to write this?"

"What's that?" 

"This birthday wish list thing." 

Scully walked into the living room, wrapping her robe around her and retrying the knot tighter. The soft glow of the standing lamp made the silk of gown shimmer like a river under moonlight. Her hair, a shade of strawberry-blonde in twilight years, flowed over her shoulders, ending in little tousled kinks. A glance over his shoulder told him this. Mulder couldn't help being caught in rapture because, even in so simple a moment, she was a work of art, the beauty of which no Renaissance painter could ever hope to capture. 

"Oh," she said in recognition. "I thought it would be a good idea to understand what she wants now that she is old enough. You know, a bit like Christmas lists."

She stopped behind the couch, resting her hands on his shoulders and her chin on his head, gazing over him as he had done on numerous occasions; their height difference always a great source of amusement- to him. Mulder sighed and put the paper down, rubbing the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses. 

"It's... Very long... And detailed." 

She hummed. "Well, we can't say she doesn't know her own mind."

He looked up at her, trying to discern Scully's perspective on the limitations of a three-year-old's imagination. However he couldn't really gauge her expression, instead met with the underside of her pretty nose. 

"Are you seriously considering all of this? Aren't we spoiling her?" 

Scully straightened up, considering his concern. She nodded slowly, answering, "As the strict parent in this partnership–" she ruffled his hair, pecked his cheek and then looked at him dead in the eye– "I am definitely saying we shouldn't get her everything."

He laughed. "Scully, if there is one thing you are not, it is a strict parent. I have seen the way you dote on her."

She feigned offence with a frown, pushing at his shoulder with disapproval. "You're not exactly strict either."

"That's because she's my baby girl." He patted the seat next to him for Scully to join. She walked around and slumped easily into the seat. 

He discreetly inhaled the fresh smelling lavender bath oils she had just soaked in. She smelt like comfort and home and years of blissful familiarity. His hand automatically came to her head, fingers curling through her soft hair, the towel-dried tresses still slightly damp at the roots.

Picking up the piece of paper he had discarded, she eyed it with interest, eyebrows on guard as she snuggled against his chest. His arm casually wrapped around her, drawing her closer in. His fingers danced lightly across the smooth skin of the back of her hand, just as soft and comforting as her scent. 

Scully looked over the paper, sighing tiredly. It was fairly long... and detailed, but she was pleased to see there was nothing too extortionate, besides perhaps a bounce house and a swimming pool. It all seemed so normal and happy, a world away from their haunted pasts, even the trouble of her pregnancy only four years ago. There was nothing extraordinary about Lily's list; every toddler wanted a toy tractor, a bracelet making kit and a ghillie suit for their birthday. 

"I gather you said you would take her sasquatching." She nuzzled against his chest with a small chortle. No child of theirs was ever going to be truly normal. 

"I might have mentioned it."

"Only, she's written 'dig fut biskize' and I assume that means big foot disguise."

"Oh, that's what that says." He readjusted his glasses and squinted to where it was haphazardly written at the bottom of the page. "At least it's one of the more plausible suggestions."

Confused, Scully asked, "really?"

"Scully, there is no way we can, and just to pick a few, have a swimming pool–"

"Aww, but she loves swimming," she interjected. "And anyway, I was thinking about getting a small paddling pool."

He gave her an eye of skepticism, continuing, "have lots of chocolate Easter eggs–" 

"Maybe just some chocolate?" She was looking up earnestly at him even if she wasn't being entirely serious. 

"It's not even Easter!" he exclaimed with exasperation. 

"Well, it is stupid to have Easter eggs only at Easter if you ask me." She said it with a deliberate matter-of-fact tone. They both knew she was only winding him up, but Mulder gave into it anyway. 

"Sc– uh! You're supposed to be on my side! How are we meant to get–" he jabbed his finger at the list in emphasis– "a pet frog?" 

She chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"You were the one that told her that if she kisses enough, one of them will turn into a handsome, young prince." She looked up at him, eyes glistening so pure with the kind of truth that brought a smirk to her lips. 

Scully remembered all too well the many nights Mulder had insisted Lily's bedtime stories were actually real historical events and her children's books were the documents to prove it. She had always thought that Lily was too tired, all wrapped up in her blankets and teddybears, to pay much attention, but she was now realising that when she kissed Lily's rosy cheek goodnight, visions of frog princesses and princes were hopping through her head. 

Mulder pulled off his glasses. "Okay, well, this kid needs to watch Shrek already and learn some lessons."

He pitched the glasses towards the coffee table with a harrumph, smiling only slightly when they landed perfectly in the middle of a pile of old psychology books. 

"You know, sometimes you remind me of Donkey: always running around with too much energy," she mused. 

He sighed. It settled through him like the wind creaking the trees of the old wood. "I don't feel like that anymore."

Scully reached around to the other side of him, hand clutching the side of his ribs in a brief squeeze. "You might not go jumping on trains as often as you used to, but I don't think anything will be able to extinguish your need for..." 

"The truth?" he smiled. 

She let go of a heavy breath, his mantra an unpleasant reminder, but she agreed nonetheless. "The need to want to believe in the fantastic. The need to believe in something that will keep you searching for answers. You're a highly religious person in that sense."

He shook his head. "I don't have blind faith, Scully."

"But you have replaced belief in one higher power with another. Whereas I look to God for guidance, you look beyond the heavens for answers."

"And that makes me like Donkey?" He raised his eyes, an accompaniment to his incredulous tone.

She smiled candidly. "You're funny like Donkey. You make me laugh."

Mulder crooked a smile cautiously. "So... does that make you Shrek?" 

"Mm. I'm going to ignore that you just compared me to an ogre." 

"Scully, you just compared me to a literal ass. I don't think you have any space to talk."

She waved off his indignation. "Take that as you will; I did find you incredibly annoying to begin with. But I think I'm more like an onion."

"Deeply layered?" His fingers began stroking through the tresses of her hair again. 

"Cut me and I'll make you cry," she dead-panned. 

Mulder chuffed a laugh. "You're nothing like an onion: for starters, I don't have to cook you to eat you." He nudged her with his shoulder, grinning too widely for his own good. 

"How very charming," she hid her not-so-subtle leer behind a grimace. 

"Would you prefer it if I said I did have to cook you to eat you?" 

Scully sat up, a deep frown of serious concern, almost comical, appeared on her face. She searched his eyes, her own flitting focus from one to the other, as if just beyond his optic nerves was the reassurance he wasn't a deranged man. At least not a deranged psychopath with cannibalistic tendencies. "Please don't do your unnerving impression of Hannibal Lecter."

"I have always thought of you a bit like Agent Clarice Starling." He held her gaze, beats of time only measured by their soft breathing and smiles. Mulder abruptly awoke from his reverie, playfully snatching the list off of Scully. "Anyway, according to our daughter, you make the perfect dinosaur." The hint of resentment that crept its way into his voice was not lost on Scully. 

She laughed full-heartedly, shaking her head in disbelief. 

"What?" 

"You're annoyed because she wants you to dress up as a fairy. Look, Lily gets to be a Dalek, I am a dinosaur, and you are a fairy. She's even drawn pictures." Scully pointed to the three of them scrawled like stick figures in their respective costumes.

"Why do I have to be the fairy and not the dinosaur?" he all but whined. 

"Oh my God," she laughed again. "You are jealous."

"I am not!" he objected. 

"I think you would look quite fetching in a pink tutu." Scully teased. "I'm sure your masculinity could handle it."

Mulder scoffed. "Scully, I do not bend to society's cultural stereotypes of gendered roles." 

"Are you sure that you're not the big, macho man? Always playing the hero? That you don't get even a little bit embarrassed when I have to rescue you?" 

He looked at her with a wry smile. "Embarrassed is not what I feel when I see you barging in, a gun-toting, balls-blazing picture of bad-ass."

"Oh, so that's why you were always getting into trouble."

He shrugged modestly. 

"Well then, handsome fairy," she firmly patted his chest. "I think it is time we found you a pink tutu."

She stood up and wandered back upstairs, turning halfway. Picturing the fairy look, she had to bite back a laugh, resulting in her lip puckering under her teeth. He was gazing after her again, head laid on the back of the couch, his eyes twinkling. She shook her head simperingly. "Don't be long to bed. Oh, and make sure to get her blue birthday balloons. She was quite adamant about that."


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Scully sat in the living room, quietly enjoying a good book. The sun was shining through the windows and it looked like it was going to be a nice day. 

She licked her finger and turned the page. 

In the unusual calm of their house, the curling of the paper seemed unnecessarily loud. It was as if Scully was commenting on Mulder's lack of activity in the chair opposite her. 

"Are you going to the store today?" 

"Mmm." he half replied, engaged with losing that particular game of Tetris on his phone. 

Lily tumbled into the room, mountaineering over furniture until she landed on the knee of her father. "Bounce!" She leaned forward, small hands impacting his chest with emphasis. 

Mulder put his phone in his pocket. "Lily, you're getting a bit big for this," he complained. 

She wasn't. She was still only small, even for her age; she was like her mother like that. She shook her head profusely in disagreement, her orange locks settling all frizzy in her face. She delicately wiped them away from her eyes, adopting her most persuasive voice. "Bounce pwease?"

However, Mulder was not as spry as he had been twenty years ago. He reluctantly acquiesced, holding onto her tiny hands and bouncing her up and down on his knee. It was worth it just to hear the room fill with her little giggle. 

"Okay. Stop now," she demanded. 

"What do you say, Lily?" Scully asked in an obvious questioning tone. She was pretending not to smirk, instead keenly interested in the same paragraph, reading it for the fifth time, not at all watching them out of the corner of her eye. 

"Thank you." Lily threw her arms around him as best as she could, trapping him in a tight hug.

"You're good pipsqueak." 

She scrunched her nose when Mulder pretended to steal it between his fingers. Grabbing after his fist, she fell forward but got up, determined to get her nose back. A wave of concentration passed over her face. She sat back, trying a new tactic. "Pwease?"

"Please what?" he encouraged. "Please pink elephants?" 

"Pwease can I have my nose?" 

He very kindly put her nose back where it belonged and Lily made good use of it, breathing a big sigh of relief. 

Cautiously, Mulder asked, "Lily, wouldn't you prefer it if Mommy dressed as a fairy for your birthday?"

Scully eyed Mulder from over the top of her book. 

Lily looked down, carefully folding the hem of her dress over and over as if the answer would call out to her from one of the creases. Eventually, she replied, "Mommy doesn't bewieve in faiwies. You can't be a faiwy if you don't bewieve in them... And there are boy faiwies too." 

Scully chuckled. "She's got you there, Mulder."

Mulder gave her a laser-sharp stare in lieu of some unsavoury expletives. 

Scully continued, marking her page and putting the book down beside her. "What do boy fairies wear, sweetie?" She leaned forward, hands clasped together over her knees, attentively listening for her answer. 

"Pink!" Lily chimed, climbing down off the couch and running to the other chair. "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Can I have a bouncy house please?" 

"Why don't you ask Daddy?" she shooed her back in his direction. 

"Daddy–" 

Mulder quickly stood up and made a brisk walk to the key bowl. "I think it's time I went out to the store to pick all the birthday stuff up, isn't that right Mommy?" A look of playful rivalry passed between them. "And if you want a bounce house–" He picked Lily up and spun her around before resting her on his hip. He bopped her nose– "you're just going to have to hassle her instead!" 

He put her back on the ground and bent down to face her, not crouching for fear of his knees. Very sternly he said, "Lily, you promise to be a good girl while I'm gone and you promise that you will annoy Mommy as much as possible?" 

"Mulder!" Scully chastised. 

Undeterred by her mother's disapproval, the little girl nodded and swayed holding onto the hem of her flowery dress. She giggled when her father smiled and patted her on the head. 

"Run along! Go annoy Mom!" he enthusiastically whispered like it was their little secret. 

Lily ran over to Scully, jumping up and down by her leg, whilst Scully, for the most part, tried to ignore and not encourage her behaviour. She walked over to the door, arms crossed over her stomach, that ever-knowing eyebrow raised. 

"You're in trouble, Mister. If there isn't a lovely bottle of red in the bags when you get back, I'll have to think of a way to reprimand you."

"Please, do tell me more," he hummed. 

She laughed and kissed him sweetly. "Not in front of a three-year-old! Go on; go already."

Mulder hurried, or rather Scully pushed him out of the door. He jogged down the steps but paused before getting into the car. 

"Lily?" he called. 

A little face appeared at the side of Scully's leg. Mulder grinned seeing her and blew her a farewell kiss. 

"Where's my kiss?" Scully asked slightly offended. 

He smirked. "You can have yours later." 

She stepped out onto the porch holding a hand up to shield her eyes from the morning sun. Lily followed pressing her face in between the wooden bars of the railing. Scully reminded him, "Don't forget blue balloons!" 

To which Lily echoed: "Bwue bawoons!"

Mulder made a mini salute. "I won't. Scouts honour."

He got into the car and Scully bent down to Lily, both waving him off as he drove away. As soon as the car was out of sight, Scully turned to Lily, tenderly brushing the hair out of her face. "Lilyan, you are not to annoy me as your father said. Do you understand?" 

Lily looked at her mom and nodded, though Scully had a feeling she would not be told so easily. Lily almost immediately began smiling a toothy grin, giggling when she stole Scully's nose and ran off into the house. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was midafternoon by the time Mulder got back. He looked thoroughly dishevelled and tired on his return– shopping can do that to a person. He had survived the apocalyptic world of zombie shoppers, navigating the stores as quickly as possible while feeling his own brain slowly turn to mush. He exhaled, relieved to finally be home. He could almost hear the couch and a cool glass of water beckoning him as he crossed the threshold. 

"Hi honey, I'm home!" he jokingly called. 

Scully appeared around the corner of the back door. "And what time do you call this?" 

He sighed, lugging in the bags from his shopping haul. "I might not bend to society's stereotypes of gender but apparently all the stores in Virginia do. I looked everywhere for blue birthday balloons which didn't have 'boy' on them. Short of learning how to actually make balloons this was the best I could do." He held up an opened bag of balloons which he had scribbled over 'boy' in sharpie and replaced it with 'girl'. "It's gonna be a very important lesson on not giving a shit what other people tell you is right."

"Though perhaps in not as many rude words." she gave him a look of _I-agree-but-we-are-doing-this-the-sensible-way-aka-my-way_ , that he was all too familiar with. 

Mulder lumbered the bags onto the kitchen table, taking the chocolate cake out and finding a tin to properly hide it in. The balloons, wrapping paper and other things would be fine in an office draw somewhere. 

"Speaking of which, I did a little shopping myself." Scully pulled out a Victoria Secrets bag from a cupboard and watched in delight as Mulder's face lit up. She laughed at his predictability, warning, "don't get your hopes up, it's not what you think." She opened the bag, revealing the smallest snippet of bright pink netting and explained, "I didn't have another bag to hide it from her." 

He pulled the tutu out. "You order this last night?" 

She nodded. "It came while you were out."

He held the tutu up to his waist and gave a twirl for Scully. She pulled out a pair of elasticated wings and a wand to match. They instantly caught Mulder's eye and he had to laugh. 

He looked up to her. "Where's our little tyke?" 

"She's playing in the garden."

"Still trynna catch frogs?" he smiled wickedly. 

Scully rolled her eyes, taking back the costume and putting it away. She walked over to the open cupboard, stashed the bag inside and closed the door. She stopped, feeling his presence behind her, then one of his hands at the small of her back. She melted like putty and into his arms she turned. 

Scully looked up at him. "She idolises you, you know." 

"She'd do better listening to you more often. Her mommy is the smart one after all." 

His hands held her at her hips. 

"And her father isn't an Oxford graduate?" 

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she tiptoed to kiss him, a small peck on the lips. 

"That was longer ago than I care to admit; I'm senile now."

She looked into his dark, brooding eyes. "As long as you remember how to kiss."

"A promise is a promise."

Just as he was about to kiss her properly, the galumphing of footsteps on the decking outside made them stop. 

"Mommy! Mommy!" came an excited and high pitched voice. 

"Kids and the timing," he murmured. "It's uncanny." 

Scully smiled against his lips before they both fell apart and watched as the toddler stumbled in. Her hands were outstretched, cupping something. 

"Daddy!" She beamed and lifted her top hand off to reveal a brown, amphibious creature. "Fwog! Kiss him!" 

Scully had to bite her cheek at how Mulder's jokes were backfiring. It was almost too funny to watch. He turned to her, a look of confusion meeting her forced sombre expression. "How did she even?" he asked. 

"I have no idea," she confessed. Now that she thought about it, catching a frog and persuading Lily to tell Mulder to kiss it would have been excellent payback for all the annoyance she had had to put up with at his encouragement. Despite the thought, she gave him a look that told him to come clean with the whole spiel. 

"Lily, I can't kiss him," he began. "It has to be a princess."

"Mulder!" Scully hissed. 

"Oh..." Lily's face fell before sparking with a new idea. "Mommy?" 

Mulder ruffled the girl's orange locks, pleased that Scully would now have to deal with the same conundrum she had failed to bail him out of. She was speechless for a few moments; a few moments that Mulder cherished in their rarity. She was about to do the proper thing and tell Lily to put the frog back, but Mulder saw an opportunity to tease some fun out a bit further. 

He said in a very serious and believable tone, "she already kissed her frog."

They could both have laughed at the little frown growing on Lily's forehead, the cogs visibly turning.

"Mommy?" She beckoned Scully down to talk in her ear. Lily very surreptitiously held a hand to her mouth and whispered not so quietly, "Is Daddy a fwog?" 

Mulder bent down to join them, much to the anger of the little girl. He couldn't help the smile from spreading across his face. "Sometimes I turn green at midnight."

Scully warningly slapped his knee, deciding this had gone far enough. 

"Don't listen to him Lily, he's only trying to confuse you. Why don't you put Mr frog back in the garden?" 

"Okay." She pouted but did as her mother asked.

They followed her through the kitchen to the back door, watching as she crouched in the long grass at the far end of the garden, contemplating giving up her pet frog. She kissed him goodbye and gently put him in the grass. 

"Lilyan Katherine Mulder! You better not have kissed that frog!" Scully shouted out the back door. "Get here this instant!" 

Lily turned around, a smug little grin on her face that quickly turned to a fit of giggles and rolling on the floor. 

Mulder stormed out of the door, fully aware that he had caused the entire situation and now he was going to have to explain how it was unhygienic to kiss frogs and other things out of the garden. And that meant explaining the word unhygienic. 

He took Lily's hand and bent down to face her. "Lilyan, I know you think this is funny, but you must not put things out of the garden near your mouth." 

She stopped giggling, her face unscrunching and transforming to one of confusion. 

Mulder continued, "Frogs don't really turn into princes, it's just a fairy tale. But frogs are dirty and unhygienic. If you put them near your mouth, you can get sick. So we need to clean your mouth. You understand?" 

She nodded gravely. "You said, kiss a fwog and it turns into a pwince." 

"I know I did. I'm sorry, Lilyan, it's not true. It's just a fairytale. Come one, we need to clean you up." Mulder stood up and held out a hand for her to follow. "Don't lick your lips." 

Fortunately, she didn't seem to take the misinformation she had been fed to heart, instead, more interested in a new word. 

"What is unhynic?" she asked, taking her father's hand in a tight grip. 

"Unhygienic means there are tiny bugs called bacteria, so small you can't see them. And the bacteria can make you sick."

"If I can't see them, how are they there?" 

Her brilliant curiosity had stumped him on that one, he didn't know how to explain it to himself let alone to a toddler with more worrying thoughts plaguing the moment. 

"They just are Lily."

They made there way up the steps to the kitchen, where Scully had already found a bowl of water, a cloth and some soap. She gave Mulder a stern look when she took Lily and sat her up on the table, letting him know exactly how she felt about making their daughter kiss a frog. 

Finally, curiosity got the better of Lily and she could wait no longer. In the middle of having her mouth wiped, she asked, "Mommy, if I can't see bactewer, how are they there?" 

It was mostly muffled by the cloth, so Scully stopped, looking at her in the eye and brushing a curl of orange behind her ear. "What was that sweetie?" 

"If I can't see bactewer, how are they there?" 

She threw a questioning look at Mulder, who mouthed 'bacteria'. She seemed to understand because she adopted her educated, scholarly face that Mulder adored. 

Scully sighed, pondering how best to explain microscopic organisms. "There are lots of things that exist but we can't see, Lily. You know that Mommy and Daddy love you but you can't see love; and you know when you're hungry but you can't see hunger."

Scully motioned for Lily to hold out her hands and she began to clean them. 

"I feel hungwy. Do I feel bactewer?" 

"Yes, bacteria can make you feel ill, and that's how you know they are real."

"And bactewer makes me sick. They are unhynic."

Smiling, Mulder placed a kiss to the crown of her head. "That's right, unhygienic."

Scully inspected Lily's hands and then lifted her off the table. "You are free to go, just don't kiss anything."

She squealed and ran into the garden again.

Scully started to clean up the bowl of soapy water and the cloth. She sighed, tipping the bowl down the sink as Mulder stepped behind her and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. 

She looked through the window to see Lily running around, her orange hair and green, flowery dress billowing in the breeze. Lily looked cute in green, which was a blessing. The colour complemented her hair and brought out her hazel eyes, but more importantly hid the numerous grass stains that she was prone to collecting. They had figured that camouflage colours were the best ones to dress Lily in very early on. 

Scully smiled, leaning against the sink. "You know, I'm glad she's taken your name; it saves an awful lot of explaining about how weird she is when my brothers ask."

"You're not fooling anyone, Scully. I know you were just as mischievous at her age." He pressed a kiss to the side of her cheek, nuzzling her with his stubble. 

"And I suppose you were the golden child?"

"Absolutely," he grinned. 

Scully laughed through her nose. "I love you."

"I love you too." He relaxed his embrace turning to look at her side on. "I feel a 'but' coming."

"If you could please refrain from using our daughter as a psychological experiment, I would be grateful. Not everything we tell her needs to be a fairy tale just to see if she will believe us; there are plenty of real wonders in the universe that we can show her."

She smiled a little, plucking his dry fingers and weaving them with her own soapy ones. "Though it was pretty funny when you told her you were a frog." 

"Yeah, it was," he laughed. 

Mulder moved to pick up the shopping bags still left on the table. Thankfully Lily hadn't thought too much about them, or if she had, she was good enough not to sneak a peak. 

"Just so you know, Scully, Big Foot is _not_ a fairy tale." 

She let him have that one. "Sure." 


End file.
